I hate your face
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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