youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
