So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
