exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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