Fuck appropriateness.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
