Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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