how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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