That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
