i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
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