I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
