can we get nightvision for the apartment?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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