Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
