I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
