Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
