dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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