I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
