Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
