Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
