Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
