so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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