Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Randomize
