I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Can vaginas get frostbite?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
