So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
