I seem to have left my pride at pride
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
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