I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
