I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize