I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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