Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
We got so high we made milksteak
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
