no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
