i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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