Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
