Well douche your snatch and let's go!
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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