I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
