just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize