Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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