bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
How's work?
Spinning.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
