just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
