dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
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