Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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