She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
