im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
