Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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