another moral hangover. fuck.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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