Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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