If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
