I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
We left the knife in your bed.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
