first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize