If i could tip my vagina, i would.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
