when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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