I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
