Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
