Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
