Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
