They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
My ass is underappreciated
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize