This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
