I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
