considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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