break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
