she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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