You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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