Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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