Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize