I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
