it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I don't think brook has ever known best
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
