her facebook's as public as her vagina
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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