Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
