if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize