idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Text me some of your sweat
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
